There has to be a first time for everything.
So I was at church this afternoon when I got word that our Children's director, Jennifer, was trying to get a hold of me. I stopped by her office before leaving work, where I found her, her infant son Micah, and the associate Children's director Becky. Making my self comfortable, I sat down in her office next to Becky, who was holding Micah, as he smiled coyly about something as Becky held him up and allowed him to 'stand.' Jennifer asked me what she had been wondering and we talked back and forth as I made faces at her newborn child, continuing to feed his smile.
Becky eagerly offered to let me hold the boy, mentioning that he had both puked and peed on her not long before. Logic and sound reason should have sent some kind of signal to my brain at Becky's words, warning me of the possible outcomes of my actions...but since I'm a moron, and am not surrounded by children every moment of the day, I figured: what the hay. So Jennifer, Becky, and myself carried on our conversation as I continued to hold Micah by his waist allowing him to stand upright on his legs as Becky had done before me. It was not too long afterward when commenting about Micah's previous puking to his mother, did I turn the lad around and question him about whether he was going to repeat his actions...
Micah's enthusiastic answer came in the form of projectile vomit, which spewed at an alarming rate out of his mouth. Thankfully he took the most of damage, but I did not escape the incident unwounded. Several splashes of infant vomit crossed the half arms length divide that separated his mouth from my shirt.
Jennifer and Becky couldn't stop laughing at the timing of the moment. While I was not nearly as amused by her child's actions, I couldn't help but smile, realizing that I had passed a less than elite marker of life, having now officially been thrown-up upon by an infant.
I can't say she didn't warn me.
- Chuck